So began one of Ted Baxter's self-aggrandizing on-air pronouncements on the legendary "Mary Tyler Moore Show." Not coincidentally, it is how our final installment here begins, as well.
For several months now, we've wrestled with the question of how long to keep our little effort here going, and we finally decided that two years is enough.
Why?
Well, for one thing, we've said about all we have to say. Based on the response, we've said it for a number of people who are as disgusted by the quality of local programming as we are. For example, it seems pretty clear that lots and lots of people absolutely loathe Travis Justice. Likewise, lots of people seem to agree that Channel Sux is tired and getting worse by the day. And we've yet to receive one email defending Fubar Fazal or Suzanne Deyo (unless you count the ones Deyo is said to have submitted under the name "journalism 101").Our second reason for hanging it up is that there is now a source to keep us updated on what's going on in Omaha broadcasting. It is Sean Weide's "Reader Media Notes" blog, and it wasn't around 24 months ago.
The third reason is pretty simple: we're tired of doing this. In most endeavors, it helps if you can see that your efforts are having some sort of impact, and as near as we can tell, the only impact our efforts have had is to make news directors say and do some pretty stupid things. (As if they needed help in that department!) In fact, one can argue that Omaha television has deteriorated considerably in the past couple of years.
So what have we learned? Well, as we just mentioned, we've learned that television news directors are about as idiotic as the crap they feed us on their broadcasts. According to sources at several local newsrooms, rather than focus on improving the quality of their product, at least a couple of news directors have, at one time or another, (1) forbidden employees from reading us on company time, (2) hired professionals in an attempt to ferret us out, (3) counseled weeping idiot reporters to avoid reading "the Blog," so as to preserve their self-esteem, and (4) blamed us for bad morale in their newsrooms.
What else have we learned? Let's see...we already mentioned the number of people who've indicated their hatred for Trav. Oh—here's one: people at KETV laugh at Suzanne Deyo behind her back. They think it's funny, for example, that she filed a police report against this blog. They also laughed when she told co-workers she wouldn't be friends with them anymore if she caught them reading us. So that was fun to know.
Finally, a few notes to local on-air types:
• Malorie Maddox: get some dialect coaching, so that you stop referring to "President Besh" and saying "inny" when you mean to say "any." You should also get help to stop talking through your nose and do something with that hair.
• Jeff Jensen: For the last time, get a voice coach. Your high voice is like nails on a chalkboard to hear. Bring it down an octave and keep it down. And stop adding extra rs to the word temperatures. Saying "temp-RUR-churs" is just stupid.
• Mike Cronemeyer: We know that you coined the term "blogalicious" to describe any flub or artifact of your station's stupidity likely to end up being written about here. Kinda funny. But we still think your work sucks.
• Jimmy Siedlecki: Dude, you were so in the right place when you and the missus were in Joplin, Missouri. They thought you were great. Here, however, you look like a total rube. You know—a hick, a hayseed, a bumpkin. No one here thinks you're smooth, clever, worldly, or sophisticated. Go back to where people appreciate an anchor with more than five teeth.
• John Chapman: Four letters, dude—D-I-E-T. And how about a little effort, for a change?
• Brian Mastre: See note to Chapman. And do something with that hair (toupée?).
• Sheila Brummer: We hate watching you almost as much as we hate looking at Trav and Fubar. Our main regret regarding you is that we never got around to doing a "separated at birth" post featuring you and Marilyn Manson. We never could quite figure out what to do with the rumors that you were bounced from your Des Moines gig based on your work under the anchor desk, but we think that alleged work couldn't have been any worse than your efforts above it.
• Rachel Pierce: You'll never take any of our advice, so we won't even bother. It's really quite remarkable that you found a station in a market this size that'd give you a job, much less one on-air. Congrats. Cling to this gig like grim death, 'cause it ain't gonna get better than this.
• Devon Patton: Sounds like somebody needs to keep his creepy ways to himself. Also, stop jumping around like a squirrel and yelling every time you do a story.
• Travis Justice: You're fat. Your voice sucks. Ten years from now, people will look at pictures of your facial hair the way we look at early '90s mullets today. Many people hate you, and we have the emails to prove it. Several have commented that Journal "cleaning house" a couple of weeks ago and leaving you on the air is, sadly, like the final episode of "The Mary Tyler Moore Show," when everyone but buffoon anchor Ted gets the axe. You're a joke and a tool.
• Fubar Fazal: A reader from Montana, who'd seen your work there, tried to warn us. We thought he was exaggerating. Now, we realize, he was taking it easy on you. We have no idea what made you (or KETV) think it was a good idea for you to be on the air, but you were both ridiculously misguided. Your most recent "Fubar" moment came on December 28, when, according to an alert reader, you followed an interview of a North Omaha man with this sentence: "police have solved 14 of the 34 shootings last year, but they have yet to find his killer's friend." You're a frickin' moron, and a repellent one, at that. (How repellent: We'd rather watch Trav for an hour than you for a minute.) You suck. Do yourself and everyone else a favor and get out of the business.
One other thing we've learned: that there are, unlike those mentioned above, a number of educated, intelligent reporters, anchors, photojournalists and behind-the-scenes personnel who take pride in their work, work hard at their jobs, and are embarrassed by much of the sewage their respective employers put out as "news." We are grateful to them for their efforts and assistance and wish them well as they keep fighting the uphill battle against the mediocracy that is local news these days.
And on that note, we'll stop. It's been fun.
In the words of WKRP's Les Nessman, "Good night, and may the good news be yours!"